Now that members of the Texas and Georgia state legislatures [PDF] have caught on, I suppose there’s no point in denying it any more. Yes, indeed, modern cosmologists and evolutionary scientists are blindly and unscientifically following kabbalistic teachings that the world is billions of years old. Likewise, we crafty Pharisees are responsible for hiding anti-Biblical kabbalistic doctrines in the guise of Copernicus’s theory of heliocentrism and, later, Einstein’s theory of relativity. It’s all true! They found us out!
Also, that stuff about the banks? They got us dead to rights. Next time your mortgage payment comes due, just make the check out to me and send it over here; you’ll get faster service that way.